Why do I scrapbook?

I truely feel, in every rickety bone in my rapidly aging body, that I lost sight of this question (and it's answer) some time ago.

Why do I scrapbook?

Yes, I want to preserve memories...cliche' as all heck but truth none the less.
Yes, I need the creative outlet.

But why scrapbooking? Why not photography?

I'm still trying to figure it out folks and it appears that the answer is still buried under my mountain of past mistakes. The cost of losing site of my goal has been great indeed. The place that has been hit the hardest is my wallet with my self esteem taking the next harshest blow.
In an attempt to follow the trends, I accumulated whatever the industry told me that I needed to have...and I still have it. While on my search for peer validation, I allowed myself to forget to count my own personal validation amongst the most important. I take full ownership; I did this to myself and I am the only person that will be able to heal all of the wounds that I've allowed to be inflicted.

I feel as if while chasing my dream for 15 seconds of fame, glory and validation, I lost myself to this hobby...but not in a good way. I've been so far gone that even now, 9 months after my discovery of what my ambitions were doing to me, I still can't quite get it together. I know that I love to scrapbook, but I feel as if something is holding me back.

I spoke to Dorkfish yesterday and she urged me to consider throwing in a few layouts for the Lucky 7 contest at SB.com. To be honest, I'm afraid that I will back slide into the same tar pit I just crawled out of. The upside to entering is that there is no product requirement, the down side is that I'm not sure I'm quite ready to make a move that would require emotional detachment from my entries. The downside is that even if I did enter, and did pick up an honorable mention (I dare not dream too big), it would only result in my acquiring yet another Scrapbooking GC that I don't really have a use for. Who would've ever thought I would have a hard time picking up scrapbooking stuffs?

So, why do I scrapbook? Obviously, I scrapbook for myself. I have a medical condition that may make scrapbooking difficult one day, so I hope to preserve as many memories as I can, while I can. Is it selfish to admit that I don't scrapbook for the subjects of my scrapbook pages? Maybe, but oh well, I've been called worse. I know that there is much more to "why" than I've stated, but, for the life of me, I can't figure it out. Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine, preferably Pepper Jack.

Remember when you first started scrapping? Remember how much purpose you felt? Remember how driven you were? Where'd that all go? Surely, accumulating ridiculous amounts of stash can't be the sole cause of that loss of drive...even if it's accompanied by a steady lack of validation from the public. You know, the reason for the loss isn't nearly as important as what needs to be done to get it back. One of the posters here commented that she had discovered the joy of scrapping once again...I want that...I'm working my way back to that.

In the interim, I will continue to poor my bleedin' heart out here and commune with those who see similarities between my plight and their own. One day, I'll be able to scrapbook again without hearing that nagging little voice that always asks me why I'm doing it. One day.